Exodus 20:12 “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you. (NKJV).

We’ll be celebrating Mother’s Day here in New Zealand this Sunday. And where would we be without our Mum? We live in a schizophrenic culture: one day a year we honour our parents, but sadly it doesn’t seem to last. The honour is turned to scorn by revelations of relationships that portray parents as incompetent buffoons. This should not be.

Where is Honour these days? For fellow human beings. For those in authority. For those who truly deserve it by virtue of who they are and their accomplishments. For those who work in the background holding things together. Remember those old fashioned movies, when men were men, and the women were feminine! And they did things for the Honour. Men would die, for the Honour of serving King and country!

I’m all for honouring at this time of the year. I’m all for this honouring that goes on as a lifestyle for the rest of the year too. Some will think they’re not able to honour their parents because they’ve passed away. But that honour can still be verbalised, and act as an excellent example to future generations.

You may say: “You haven’t seen my parents”. Its true, I haven’t. “You don’t know what they did to me”. Its true, I don’t. “You don’t know how they treated me”. Its true, I don’t. (But I do know that God does!). Parents aren’t perfect, but they are “our” parents, and they will be for all eternity. The truth remains; we can by God’s grace be healed of all the “parent-caused” hurts, so that we can freely honour our parents.

The Fifth Commandment tells us that if we are to have a right relationship with God, we must have a right relationship with our parents. We need to HONOUR them, whether we’re living with them in the family home, they’re living with us or somewhere else.

The Bible teaches us to honour people: 1 Peter 2:17 Honour all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king. 1 Timothy 5:3 Honour widows who are really widows. 1 Timothy 5:17 Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially those who labour in the word and doctrine.

The Bible has accounts of sons and daughters who honoured or dishonoured their parents:

• Ham, dishonoured his father Noah, by taking delight in catching him naked and in a drunken state.
• Samson dishonoured his parents by lusting after a Philistine woman.
• Lot’s daughters dishonoured their father by becoming pregnant by him.
• Jacob, with the help of his mother, deceived his father to get the blessing meant for his brother.
• Esther, honoured her surrogate father Mordecai, and became Queen, saving the Jews.
• Moses, honoured his father-in-law, and listened to his advise to delegate decisions.
• David honoured his father Jesse by being faithful to shepherd his sheep, even though he was from a wealthy family.
• Ruth honoured her mother-in-law Naomi, and God blessed her with a wealthy husband.

How does one really honour one’s parents? Because honouring your parents does not mean endorsing irresponsibility, sin or wrong doing. Honouring your parents as an adult son or daughter does not place you again under their authority, nor is it seeking their approval. Here’s three things.

1. Allow God’s Grace to Heal Past Pains and Hurts.

Let’s not stop the honour due to them by the hurts in our own heart. It’s one very powerful relationship that needs tending and time, hugs and health. If we truly value our parental relationships, we can receive God’s help to forgive, forget, and move on from being judge and jury, to friend and family. My friend there is healing available! There is forgiveness, there is release!

2. Recognise What They’ve Done Right In Your Life.

Write them down. If you can write regularly, send info, cards, news and photos. Most of the older generation still love a real physical card and letter! In fact write a tribute, especially while they’re with us, but even if they’re gone. Some years ago I wrote a “Tribute To My Mum”, and presented it to her on her birthday. It was a special tear filled emotional moment for us both! Why do we wait until their funerals to say nice things about our loved ones?

We can include things like:

• “Thank you Mum for all those trips to sports early on Saturday mornings”,
• “Thank you Mum for that time you came and saw me give my best on the piano at the school concert”,
• “Thank you Mum for giving me my favourite diner on my birthdays”.
• “Thank you Mum for reading the Bible to me when I was young”.
• “Thank you Mum for all those amazing meals you gave us”.
• “Thank you Mum for somehow putting in me Biblical values”.

3. Praise Them For Their Legacy To You.

Praise them, make them feel special. If we’ve grown up and left home, they can’t do the parenting thing again, it’s all over; they’ll never have that opportunity again! (And we don’t know what regrets they may be carrying about their parenting). So build them up, lift them through the things we say to them. Have we thought of ways in which we can honour our Mum, thank her for the legacy she’s left in us, give tribute to her, and make her feel special? In that card, what about writing some “special” things. Some words from our heart, that look beyond human short-comings, to the things we really need to remember and honour them for.

Abraham Lincoln said; “All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother”.

Exodus 20:12 “Honour your father and your mother, THAT YOUR DAYS MAY BE LONG upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you. (NKJV). (Emphasis added).

Honouring our parents is the right thing to do, but it also carries the promise of reward!